The Torch

I must admit, the Olympics don't interest me a whole lot. When the Olympics are on TV, and even though they're in Canada, I probably won't watch any. Unless there's road biking of course!

I guess the Torch Run is a promotional thing to create interest and hype and I'm good with that.

My wife came running into the house this morning at 8 o'clock. I was still in bed and she says "the torch is coming down the street right now - get up!"

So, I pulled on the clothes lying on the floor, jumped into my winter boots and went out to the road - and about one minute later, a young girl, doing a slow jog, was carrying the torch.

I thought there would be hundreds of people in a crazy fanfare but it was very calm.

I'm glad I saw it. When the Torch comes to your town, it's sort of like bringing a piece of the Olympics to you. And there's a sense of Canadian pride in the whole revelry.

Hmmm. Maybe I'll spend ten bucks and buy some red mittens.

Wasting My Day

Yesterrday Pastor Wayne talked about the trapeze artist, who jumps into the air, with his feet wrapped around the bar as he swings to the other side of the tent, waiting for the catcher to catch him. The "flyer" needs "the catcher". He trusts the catcher.

God gives us gifts and talents or whatever you wanna call them to get the job done. But Wayne says, "if we go beyond our gifts and talents, we're in a place where we're the "flyer" and we trust the "catcher" to catch us.

The time it takes for the jumper to jump until he is caught is mere seconds, but the mental wait could be much longer.

It's like waiting for God. It's so hard to wait. Wait for our diseases to be healed or the relationship to be restored or the money to come in. We do what we can do in our power and trust God to do the rest.

I found myself in church thinking three things.

Depression - when is he gonna heal me. I have no motivation to do something new, or even get out of bed.

Faith - The more I learn the more questions I have. I ask my Christian friends for their answers, which are seldom satisfying. Leaving me with more questions and feeling alone in my faith.

What's next? At LIFE? In my life? Is God going to ask me to jump and I'll be afraid he won't catch me?

I feel unsettled. I wonder, wait and waste my days - waiting. Today, I feel useless. Today sucks.

Chocolates For The Dog

We got our silver Christmas Tree up and decorated but I think this is the last year - it's on it's last legs.

When I was a kid, my parents put up the Christmas tree and each day there would be a couple more presents added around the base. I mean there were hundreds of presents. By Christian eve there was close to a million! Sure seemed that way - I was just a kid!

Now, my wife is "Christmas crazy". She plays Christmas CDs at home and in the car. I have to pull out the cd and turn the "radio" back on quite frequently! Everything in our house is Christmas-related. All the nicknacks are in the spare room to make room for Santa and wreathes.

I recall one Christmas, many years ago, with our dog Moffat. My wife thoughtfully wrapped a box of maraschino cherry chocolates for me and put the wrapped gift under the tree. Mmmm my favourite! Well apparently they were Moffat's favourite too because when we got home from work that day, the wrapping was all over the living room and the box was devoured - there were chocolates were all over the floor- along with a lot of dog vomit.

Lesson to all: don't leave food gifts under the tree if you have pets!

Wall-To-Wall Christmas Music

LIFE 100.3 is wall-to-wall Christmas all week so we'll hear lots of chimes and sleigh bells to remind us of this season that focuses on the birth of the Lord, family and friends, turkey and presents.

"I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday" by All Star United came out a compilation CD "Happy CHristmas Volume 2". There's also a killer version of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" that you gotta hear to believe! Here's a reason to not judge a record by its chessy cover!

One of my favourite Christmas carols is by Relient K - "The 12 Days Of Christmas". The same carol we all know off by heart but Relient K has recharged it with exciting power chords in just the right places!

Admittedly some Christmas songs are just plain cheesy. I think that's only because they're out of date. Probably in their day, they were full of life. But, many artists have put their own personality into those Christmas standards, and that makes the old carols sound fresh.

"Christmas, Baby Please Come Home" either by Anberlin or U2 would be near the top of my list. "Hot Christmas" came out in 1992 by Eric Champion. You won't find it in the stores, not even in the discount bin, but you can still order it on line. I think he named it "Hot Christmas" because he lives in Florida. Eric's probably never seen snow!

This year To Tell released "Here Comes Christmas" - no album, just the single release you can get thru iTunes.

Worth Reading

I got an early Christmas present from a co-worker - "Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl" by N.D. Wilson. I’m not sure what this is about but the person who gave it to me, knows me well, so I trust there is some meat in here that I need to hear.

Another book I just bought for myself - "Comeback 2.0" - of course it is about Lance Armstrong. It’s more of a pictoral hardcover with detailed captions. The photos are amazing. And once again I see that Lance is more than a bike rider and a survivor of cancer - he is a superstar. He lives in a different world than I. Which will make this book part fantasy, except for the bike!

Happy reading!

Scott Jackson - The Weapon

Well, I’m up for something new.

LIFE’s producer Tim Van Dyk, invited me to his workout gym that specializes in self-defense. For months he’s been nagging me, shadow boxing in the hall of LIFE, pretending to knee people in places that you wouldn’t want to be kneed.

Appealing huh? Obviously Tim is a Krav disciple.

It’s called Krav Maga. Their website says "You may be human, but are you - a weapon"? Haha! A weapon...me?

Well I checked in, waiting to see how many punks would be there half my age, getting a kick out of me. Get it - kick out of me? Ya, well we did a short floor workout of running and crunches and push-ups, then got into the actual self-defense fighting system for the Israeli Defense Forces.

The instructor said, "this is not boxing, or MMA, or UFC. This is street fighting. It’s not about courtesy and there are no rules." Huh, no rules?

My partner was Shane - a 20-year old tank of a kid who works with the OPP.

For one routine, I held a pad against my chest while Shane pelted me with jabs for a minute, absorbed by the pad. Then I held the pad down, a little lower than my crotch, and with brutal force Shane brought a kick up toward the pad. (Very blessed to have the pad in position.) The last technique taught us how to remove an attacker who grabs you by the throat.

An hour of sweat, a sore neck and thankfully no broken bones. But ya, I think I’d go back.

Brett Baird Soon To Produce Relient K

I thrilled to hear that my son Brett has graduated from his course in Nashville. Whoo Hoo!

He has been attending SAE in the audio engineering course. What that means is - he’ll be producing CDs and giving Mark Lee Townsend a run for his money! Haha!

According to Brett’s wife Gretyl, "people at the school apparently think he's going to make it because as you can see in the pic he won the award, "Most likely to be like Alan Shacklock". Alan was one of his teachers. He's a producer, composer, musician, has received three grammy nominations, and has produced at Abbey Rd. Pretty cool. The teacher always told the class that he wants them to exceed his success. For the class to give him this award I feel like it really shows that he wants this."

I gotta be a proud Dad. Brett told me that Alan would tell the class some classic recording stories like the time he set up mics and cables at Abbey Road for the Beatles. Gasp! I like those stories.

Congrats Brett!

I miss Nashvegas.

I miss the Gulch! I wanna call the Icon home!

Musical Chairs - Great Day!

Saturday, the LIFE 100.3 contestants met at the Bayfield Mall for a massive game of musical chairs. You know how it works - everyone walks around the rows of chairs, we have less chairs than people - the person on the last chair is the winner. Our winner won a trip to Jamaica, all inclusive - mmmm. Sounds good.

As the Station Manager, it’s so cool to stand in the audience and watch the Mighty LIFE team in action, doing their parts. Everyone knows them so well.

The "Jet To Jamaica". Great contest!

But wait til you see what we do next!

Thursday

A snowy Thursday.

Thinking About - God giving me new vision; first Christmas without Mom and Brett
Listening To - "Halfway Gone" by Lifehouse and "Rain" by Creed
Reading - Nothing. Too bored. Can’t focus.
Praying about - My Dad’s life without my Mom

Wishing the sun would come out.

The Blind Side

Saw another good movie - "The Blind Side" - starring Sandra Bullock. She plays a Christian woman who takes in a street kid, feeds and clothes him and inspires him to become a talented high school football player.

I love sports movies that motivate character. But it’s not really a movie about sports - it’s about bad situations that turn positive through Godly characters. And as the reviewer from "Focus On The Family" said, you’ll leave the theatre smiling.

I think the last Sandra Bullock movie that I liked was "Speed" and that was years ago. She really climbs into this character.

I’m not sure if this would be "Pastor approved" but I’m sure it’s close. Check it out.

Dare You To Move (part 2)

I had six amazing days back-to-back! And then...Sunday.

The entire week I felt great! Amazing! I had a friend in Nashville pour into me spiritually. I went to the gym everyday and worked out with two different people - punks trying to crush me. I went to church Wednesday night. I changed my meds. Had an amazing Board Of Directors meeting yesterday.

Not to mention, last week on-air I've felt like 125%, everyday. (Very unusual)

Then came Sunday. Today. Our church dinner is tonight (Sunday). We had planned to skip the usual morning service because two trips to Alliston is a bit crazy so we prepared for the drive tonight for dinner and service.

But this morning I was lying in bed, feeling unmotivated. 9am. Didn't feel depressed but didn't feel like getting up. The sun was pouring through the window but it wasn't enough to lure me out of bed. I put my iPod on and listened to some soft Christian hits. Back to sleep and woke up and 11. Pushed repeat. I could hear Janice downstairs setting up the Christmas tree and I went back to slumber with "slumber Christian hits". Woke up 2 and as I contemplated blowing off the rest of the day, Switchfoot played in my ears.

"Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go? Salvation is here"

Then -

"I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor"

Enough!!! I got up. I felt great! Got dressed and ready for church Christmas dinner!

Hey "spirit of depression - you can bite me!"

Mom...I Miss You

Thinking about my Mom who passed away last month. It's weird to think of my Mom being dead. (I believe she's alive with Jesus, and only dead in my world.)

I visited my Dad last week at the retirement home. Mom, of course, wasn't there. He must be so lonely, seeing all the photos and nicknacks that remind him of her.

(I know this isn't the most flattering photo of my Mom, but it the one that reminds me of her most recent days.)

In the retirement home I swear I could hear Mom's voice say "Scott do you want a Coke?" She always had a cold coke ready for me. Imagining her voice I froze in my footsteps. I couldn't move. I started to cry. I looked over at the couch where she always sits - and she wasn't there. Just the space where she used to sit.

Mom always gave me a dog cookie to take home to Callie. No cookies today.

Dad and I went to play pool. Mom always watched the game from the side. The chair was empty.

No asking, "So how are Brett and Crystal doing?"

She's gone.

And while her passing was not a surprise, what is surprising me is the overwhelming feeling that .... she's gone ... and she's not coming back. Not even to say "good-bye".

I can't imagine how my Dad must feel.

I don't think I can write anymore right now.

Sore

Last night I went to the gym with a 20 year old punk. We were on "his routine". I nearly died. But - ahem - I kept up! Haha!

Today - a bit sore.

No pain, no gain, right? R i g h t ???

American Thanksgiving

Spent Thanksgiving in Nashville with our son Brett and his wife Gretyl. The "big American dinner" was held at Dianne's house - Dianne is a music publicist and she puts on mega- thanksgiving meals and I've come to believe that my American Christian friends express their gratitude in a bigger way that we do in Canada, where it is just a day off work. Dianne brought in a table for 20 people and a extraordinary buffet that went on for ever!

A couple of bands were dining across from me so as expected we all gabbed about the music business and getting songs on the radio - how very Nashville! It was very social and lots of business!

The singer of "Onset of Demise" is Leif Macaulay. Leif has some tasty tattoos - two sleeves. Here we are comparing my puny ink blotch to his dazzling exhibit. After dinner Leif and the boys drove back to Allentown, PA from Nashvegas.

Matt Rogers was another guest. Matt has started his own record label. Matt's all about business and he's absorbed a ton of industry connections since I last saw him in 1997. I believe he has 7 bands on his label, all funded by him. (He says his stocks paid off! Haha!)

Meanwhile back "In The Gulch" condo, Brett and I had some father/son time. Brett is taking an audio engineering course that teaches him how to record bands, select the right mic, add effects, mix and produce. Somewhere inside me is a passion for working with bands either directly as a manager or in-directly so I guess you could say that Brett really schooled me on audio techniques.

Later that night, Brett and I headed off the to the famed "Rocketown" - a Christian nightclub and skatepark owned by Michael W. Smith. This is "the place" to play if you're in a band. There's three stages of varying sizes. This night we were in the dark dungeon below the big stage where we discovered some really loud, young bands.

Ah Nashvegas. I miss you lots. Yes, I'm "ready to call Icon home".

Shut Up And Fly

Flying back from Nashville last nite. Good flight - thanks for asking. But what is really making me crazy when I travel by plane is all the chatter over the PA. From the second you get on, for the next 15 minutes they talk and talk and I just want to relax and throw on my ipod.

You know what I mean?

First they tell you how to put on a seat belt. Like why? Everyone knows how to put on a seat belt. Everyone has flown. We get it. For anyone who hasn't flown before, I'm sure the person next to them can show them how to strap in.

Then they show you the oxygen mask - just incase the cabin pressure bonks out. What are the chances of that? Is it a strong possibility?

Then they tell you about the illuminated light strip on the floor in case we go down and the lights aren't working.

And then the floatation device.

And then - the emergency exit that you're sitting next to. I really don't want to be the one who says "ok, we're pulling open the emergency hatch! Hold on to your hats!"

And then, after all that chatter - they do it ALL OVER AGAIN in another language.

Good grief. If the plane is going to crash, we're all gonna pray. Nobody's thinking about the instructions.

When I give my friend a lift in the car, I don't give them a list - seatbelt, airbags, directions for the radio, the heater, the blue tooth - check check. And thanks goodness I only speak one language!

Airplanes. Great to fly. But please, shut up. Let me enjoy the flight - while they little kid sitting behind me wails.

A Day With A Bike

Yesterday I got a "bonus ride". Ya! After church, the sky was blue, the temp was (almost) warm. So I bundled up and hit the road.

I have a biking jacket that is wind proof, rain proof and I think resistant to bullets and all I need is a t-shirt under it and I'm cooking. A plastic pair of windpants and a toque. That's it.

The ride was short - 25km to Shanty Bay. But I always say, "a day with a bike ride is better than a day without a bike ride".

Mmmmm.

Scott's Jukebox

I'm doing a new feature on the radio called "Scott's Jukebox". Basically, it's me, picking one of my favourite songs and telling a personal story about the song.

Like, today I played "Sanctuary" by Kevin Max, and I happened to mention that he's "the Michael Jackson of Christian music" because he's weird. I think he tries to be weird. He likes the attention. Well whether he does or not, he's got an amazing voice. Since this was a bit on the radio I didn't bother to mention that during his performance he pretended to urinate on the back wall of the stage. What an idiot.

The other day I played "Every Moment" by Degarmo and Key. I saw their farewell tour in 1993 and it was fun. I realize I missed their best days, but at least I got to see them before the break- up. Then, two years ago, I was in Nashville and got a private invitation to see the D&K reunion. I was so excited! And - awwwww - what a yawnfest. Eddie and Dana barely spoke to each other. I don't think Dana broke a sweat. So sad. Two classic musicians, together and again, with a catalogue of hits - and not caring.

Also this week I featured a song by Relient K - "Sadie Hawkins Dance". Not exactly a spiritual song but, so what. Not every song has to be about Jesus does it? I told this story of how my friend in Barrie booked Relient K for a concert in his backyard. The mosquitoes were the size of a Buick, chomping massive bites out of everyone - the audience (of 40 people) and the band on stage! Matt Thiessen was complaining about the mosquitoes, putting a damper on the show. My first time seeing Relient K was a let down. I'm glad I've seen them since coz they really are amazing. I love how Matt Thiessen writes fun songs that are about forgiveness and humility and dependance on God. Good themes. Good songwriting.

I'm liking this feature.

I hope you'll tune in Monday at 10:45. I'm playing Guardian! LIFE 100.3. Ya man.

I Don't Care

I'm confused.
I'm unhappy.
I'm unfocused.
It's raining.
I feel blah.
I don't care.
I feel burdened and I don't know what from.
I think Jesus is taking a day off from listening to me whine.
Hope you're having a better day than me.

Kris Allen CD Release

Kris Allen's first post-American Idol album was released yesterday.

I've been listening to his version of "God Of This City" that he recorded with his church friends before Idol even started. And I downloaded a couple of his Idol performances from iTunes - "Come Together" is the old Beatles song - love playing drums along with Kris singing.


The new CD is just named "Kris Allen". Is it Christian? Honestly, I'm a little tired of that question. What does it mean? If he sings five spiritual songs and five non-spiritual songs, is it a Christian album? Beats me.

All I know is he's a Christian. And I like to think that we support other believers' ministries, especially when they purposefully reach out to unbelievers.

Well, Kris co-wrote eight of the songs. He does a cover of "Heartless" by Kanye West. Kris puts some soul into it, where in the original it's more of a thug song.

The first single is "Live Like We're Dying." It's not original either. It was recorded by The Script - an Irish band - but when Kris sings it, knowing he's a Christian, it has a positive, encouraging message. We're playing it about every five minutes on LIFE! Well, not quite.

The rest of the CD is a pop/rock/soulish CD - a bit of everything but not so much that you feel like it lacks direction. Since I'm still a "buy the CD" kind of guy, I read the liner notes before listening to the song, and see that Kris says "Thank you God for always being the same. I know I can always count on You."

Have you heard it?

The Saddest Thing I've Ever Seen

It's been two weeks since my Mom passed away. Up until yesterday I didn't grieve her passing. Mom lived 93 years - a full life - and as I watched her health decline over the last month in the hospital, the end was not a surprise, but a relief.

I was in Dad's retirement condo yesterday. He showed me how he re-arranged their bedroom so it reminded him of Mom. All Mom's favourite teddy bears were sitting on the pillow of the bed. Older family pictures were re-framed sitting around the room. A picture of me about age 9 with my brother, Mom and Dad. The leopard skin bedspread Mom made was folded neatly on the bed.
The tears began to squirt out.

I took Dad for a car ride and dropped him off at his retirement home and waved goodbye. And as I drove out of the parking lot, I noticed Dad didn't go inside. What's he doing? Instead he walked out to the road to the sidewalk and began a short walk. I watched him in my rear view mirror and I could only see his back as he walked away.

I wonder what he was thinking.

It was the saddest thing I'd ever seen. Everyday Mom and Dad would take walks together. Now my Dad was taking an afternoon walk without his lifelong partner. She's gone. Now it's just him. Alone to think about what was, and how he will get through it.

I think that's enough for now.

A Dark Place - A Hopeful Song

Not feeling great today. My friend says I whine and complain too much. He's right. Nobody wants to hear about depression.

But who can I talk to about the dark days, the endless nights when you feel like you don't want to wake up. Sometimes it feels like there is no hope. I know there is hope in Jesus, but He doesn't seem to be taking this disease away. Why?

Part of depression is the fantasies in your mind and if you could make those fantasies come true, you could end the pain.

Today on the radio I'm playing a song by the Sidewalk Prophets. Had I been gifted as a songwriter this is the song I would have written.

Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say

My iPod

I love radio. But there are a couple of occasions that I will listen to my iPod.

Going to sleep. I have a playlist that is instrumental worship songs. Very low key and soft. I turn my iPod volume down to the minimum and let the songs wash over me.

I also have a "Soft Christian Playlist". I call it "EZ Rock for Christians". This is the music you would not expect to be on my list.

At the gym. My iPod is better than any gym partner. Partners talk too much. The music keeps me moving. I have a couple of playlists - new and old. Although on occasion I will listen to praise and worship at the gym while the other guys are listening to Metallica! Haha!

This week, my "hot gym songs" are:

Antidote - B. Reith
Mock The Music - Children 18:3
Rain - Creed
Shadows - David Crowder
This Too Shall Pass - The Fold
Dance Or Die - Family Force 5
A Map To The End of The World - Light Division
Down And Out - HK and To Tell
Sometimes - Matt Brouwer
Unknown Caller - U2
New Skeptic - The Fold
Rascal - Gretyl Baird
Come Together - Kris Allen
My Sweet Escape - Run Kid Run

What's in your iPod?

Karaoke Superstar - Super Night!

(Ben Davy, Ed, Levi, me, Miranda (winner), Aleysia and Cherie - the five finalists at LIFE's Karaoke Superstar Finales last night!)

As I pulled into the Opera House parking lot about 6:30, the LIFE Street Team tent was lighting up Mississauga Street. People were squeezing onto the main floor, filling the entire orchestra section. The performers brought their families, their church friends, their fans. A venue full of cheerleaders! Everyone came!

As I took my chair at the judge's table, a cold Coke was waiting for me. Ahhh. I knew it would be a great night!

After a reminiscent slide show of Karaoke Superstar auditions and trivia, Ben Davy introduced Aleysia who came out first to sing a Natalie Grant song. Next it was Levi. Levi's got that "I-just- fell-out-of-bed" kind of "How To Lose A Life" sound. A very cool tone. I can hear him recording songs for LIFE.

Ed was next to sing a Nicole C. Mullen song. "Redeemer" - a big song. But Ed's got a big voice. Unfortunately, it was an off night for Ed. I've seen him sing many times before - he's a pro performer, but the magic wasn't there last night. Miranda was next, nailing a Natalie Grant song and Cherie wrapped it up with a note-for-note version of a Francesca Battistelli song.

Backstage during intermission Woody, me and our special guest judge from Atlanta John Waller compared notes and wrestled out our choices and the rationale for who deserved the Karaoke crown. Two of the three judges picked Miranda to win.

Great to have John Waller in town, singing "The Blessing" and "While I'm Waiting" from the "Fireproof" movie.

I hope you enjoyed the show. Any thoughts? Did you like the judges pick? Leave a comment.

My Headphones Are Dead

Today I will hang up the headphones. No - not for good! Come on... I still have some stuff left in me.

My Optimus Nova 71's are at least ten years old, maybe more. I bought ‘em cheap. Cheap headphones - for a professional broadcaster? Ya. Let me tell you the story.

Back in the early days, at CKLC in Kingston, I bought an expensive pair of AKG 121's. They were awesome! Blocked out external sound. Great tone. And for a DJ, the sound and the volume have to be exactly perfect. I mean - exactly. If the volume isn't exactly the same every day, you don't feel right. If you have to use someone else's headphones - wow - that's the worst, because the tone is different from what you're used to. Which means the sound isn't perfect and your show feels "off".

I bought really expensive AKGs in 1978. A month later, the cord got wrapped around the chair leg and pulled the cable out of the headset. There was a short in the ear piece which, as you might guess, totally wrecks your show.

So, I bought another pair of AKGs. They lasted about a year. Same thing happened. Busted. So ever since, I've only bought cheap headphones, and settled for the "somewhat ok" tonal quality. The cheap ones lasted forever.

The Novas I am retiring today have been with me for over a decade. This week, after many songs have plowed through the earpieces, the right side shorted out. I bought a new pair at the Source for $45.

I know, I know - you get what you pay for. It's unusual that the cheap ones will probably last til my last show - I mean, the very last show.

Texting While Driving

I'm not sure about the hand-held cell phone law. I think it's a bit extreme. I mean, talking to the person sitting next to you can be more distracting than talking on the phone. Or changing CDs, or blowing your nose.

But I do agree that texting while driving is utterly ridiculous and I think it's an appropriate law. Texters (which I have done while driving) spend more time looking at the text message and keypad than watching the road where ittle kids and skateboards and really bad drivers can appear in front of you in the blink of an eye.

Today I watched a You Tube video about texting while driving. It's a recreation of an accident. It's bloody, just to warn you. But I bet you never text again after you see it.

The Burial Was Yesterday

Yesterday was the burial for my mom. Even saying those words sounds weird.

Because my Dad wanted no fanfare there was no service, no wake, no visitation. The burial was simply a ten minute gravesite memorial with a few words.

In attendance were me and Janice, my brother and his wife, their two daughters whom I have not seen for at least 10 years, AJ, Crystal, and of course, my Dad. It was raining a bit but that was ok.

My nieces read a condolence card sent to my Dad from his retirement home. They each read half, crying through most of it.

I read the eulogy.

AJ read Proverbs about a good wife and a good mom. My dad liked that.

My Dad dropped a velvet bag in the hole which contained her ashes, wedding ring and other jewelry. As we all walked to our cars I saw my Dad kneel at the hole in the ground and cry. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose your life-long partner - the person who enjoyed all the great moments of life with you - and then they leave you behind to continue your last few years, alone.

Yes, I do find it odd that I'm not grieving heavily at the loss of my Mom. I think I'm feeling more of a relief combined with God giving me strength. Or, perhaps, the reality has not hit me yet.

Thanks for your thoughts, emails, phone calls and flowers.

The Burial

Today is a special day for me. Today we put Mom's ashes in the grave. So, my wife and my brother are I are taking my Dad to the cemetery in Toronto. My mom was 93 so she had a great, long life.

For the last few years, I'd been thinking about the day she passes away - and how might I deal with that situation. How painful will it be for me? Will I get over it?

My wife and I were at a concert by Kathy Troccoli a few years ago and Kathy told us that when these big events happen, and you think you can't handle it, God gives you the strength to get thru. And I totally feel that way. It must be God because otherwise I'm pretty sure I'd be falling apart. I'm sure there will be a few tears, but I do feel strong.

Last year during Sharathon Mom and I shared a short moment alone in my office. We talked about LIFE 100.3, our mission and her thoughts. Mom told me "I know who my Lord and Saviour is" and that gave me immense peace knowing that Mom knew then that Jesus awaits us on the other side.

The burial is at 2pm today. I would appreciate your prayers and thoughts.

Tattoo You

Tattoos are not addictive. I only have two.

My new one was designed by my friend Gideon Courtney and inked by Andrew Batten at Lucky Devil.

Tattoos are permanent.

People tell me "when you get older, your tattoo will look all blurry and saggy". Well, maybe if I got it when I was 20, but I'm older now for crying out loud! It won't have time to get blurry. And it won't get saggy if I stay in shape.

After I get age marks, and lose my hair, and get short and get ugly, I'm pretty sure a tattoo will be the least of my worries.

"But you may not care about it in a few years". Well, this tattoo is the Tree Of Life and inside are the initials of my wife (JB), daughter (CJM) and son (BJB). I'll still care about all three for a long time.

Besides, it makes me look tough at the gym. Hahaha!

Do you think I should have gotten a larger tattoo to fill the large space? (Joking!)

Next, I'm thinking of getting Matthew 7:21. You know the verse? "Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven but only he who does the will of my Father who is in Heaven." I want the whole verse. I love that verse. It's a warning verse. I'm getting it on my left ribcage. It'll hurt like hell.

No, tattoos are not addictive. Hahaha!

Mom Died

Mom died yesterday. She passed away after four weeks in hospital at RVH. A year ago she told me "I know who my Lord and Saviour is". I guess that's why I feel peace about losing my Mom. 93 years is along time. (Norma Baird)

I took this photo of Mom and Dad about a year ago. They both look so happy and comfortable.

Cell Law - It's Dumb

The new cell phone law became effective on Monday. It's now a $500 fine if you talk on the phone while you drive. People are madly buying a blue tooth or other device. Personally, I use an earphone plugged into my cell. No one can tell the difference.

There are a bunch of other things, that I think are worse than talking on the phone and driving,

I've made a list - The Top 10 things to do while you drive instead of talking on the cell phone

10 Browse thru your cd collection and change the cd.
9 Talk to the passenger.
8 Eat a donut and drink a coke.
7 Change the radio station back to LIFE 100.3.
6 Pick your teeth in the mirror. Or pick your nose if you need to.
5 Yell at your kids in the back seat.
4 Change the air conditioning, the heater, the back window defroster and the fan
3 Put on your make-up. But only if you're female.
2 Turn on the seat heater.
1 Roll the windows down so your dog can stick his head out.

All of these things are just as dangerous as talking on the phone while you drive. If you think a cell phone is distracting, wouldn't anything on my top 10 list also be distracting? I wonder if the ministry of legalism (?!) will outlaw any of these?

It's not a free country.

Door-To-Door

Two days in Calgary.

Hanging out with radio and artists. And my friend Ryan who works in secular radio.

At dinner, Ryan told me about the street evangelism he's involved in. Well, not involved. It actually is what makes Ryan tick. He isn't afraid to go to downtown Calgary, unload some Bibles and preach on the street.

And, he told me about door-to-door evangelism. I said, "You mean like knocking on someone's front door and talking about God?" "Ya man".

I said, "do you ever get people slammin' the door and saying, "no leave me alone". "Ya." He says he gets to share with about one in ten people he approaches.

Door to door. Wow! I guess Ryan is more bold about his faith than me.

Ryan and I headed off to Thursday night Bible Study, hosted by four young couples. Ryan parked the car on the street in the residential neighbourhood somewhere in northern Calgary. I noticed we were early for Bible study by a few minutes, and with the extra time...well I couldn't resist. I challenged him to "do it". (Door to door) He popped open his trunk which was loaded with Bibles and tracts and other evangelism stuff. He grabbed a pen and made a note of some opening questions and then - we did it.

We visited three homes. I wondered how the homeowners felt, seeing two strangers at their door, after dark, and me wearing a long, black jacket. I probably looked like Dylan Klebold. I wouldn't have opened the door!

The first two homeowners "didn't have time" for us. The third house was owned by a Christian so that visitation ended nicely. Well, at least we didn't get punched out.

Hmmm. I've considered myself to be an evangelist, or at least have an evangelist's heart. I'm not afraid to bring up "Jesus" in a conversation with non-church people, but going door-to-door is way beyond my comfort zone.

Ryan stretched me.

Then we went to Bible Study.

Cowtown

Calgary. It's GMA week. (Gospel Music Association)

Me and Steve Jones are hanging out with other radio people from SHINE-FM in Calgary and Edmonton for seminars and artist showcases. In the seminars we shared 75 ideas in 75 minutes of cool things we've done to make our stations buzz. It's a great list and we all have it.

Over lunch it was fun seeing old friends like Stephanie Israelson - our Karaoke Superstar winner in Season 3. She's since moved to New Brunswick so we haven't spoken much recently. She had lunch with us and we whined together about the stale bread and powdery lasagna.

New artist Chris Bray hung out as well and I'm really happy that our friendship is growing. He's a good performer and he understands about marketing his music and networking with other industry people. We connect well. His producer Andy Horrocks is always fun to hang out, mostly because he has great, crazy stories about recording sessions.

The highlight of the day was the performance of To Tell, featuring Zach Havens. Zach is my new discovery from London, introduced to me through Dale Elliott at GRACE-FM radio. Zach's songwriting is a pop-like, hit-based, Rocket Summer soundalike, which is unique because most rock performers don't rely on piano as the lead instrument.

I bailed on sticky lasagna to watch Zach showcase before judges in a private room. The pressure was on for him to muster up excitement for the one song on which he was being judged. He explained his vision for To Tell and the boys in the band. Then....BLAM! The music started. "Closer To You" kicked in - powerfully. It's hard to put into words what energy looks like but Zach has it, pounding the keyboard, groovin' and movin', laying down hooks and musical accents that feel soooo good I could barely stay in my seat. Then - it was over.

A good day at GMA.

And a better night at Bible Study. Just ask Ryan!

Last Ride?

I think I rode my last bike ride of the season.

October has been pitiful. Less than 100km over three rides. A bit embarrassing. I'll blame it on the weather. And we all know what a crappy summer it was.

I think the worst part is finding the time. If the forecast is good, I'll aim to get out of the radio station by 2pm, which seldom happens and before I know it, it's nearly 4 o'clock before I click in my shoes. Still, even with the cool temperature it was a good ride. Triple layers of shirts and a toque kept me warm.

Most of my rides this year were solo. Janice joined me on some shorter rides to Shanty Bay or around the Bay to Minet's Point. Janice rides a European work-bike; I'm on a Fuji Pro road bike.

Last year was a record year for me in terms of mileage. I didn't have a goal this year so clocking in at 3,604 is still good. "Any day with a bike ride is better than a day without." Pass it on!

I guess I can look forward to the stationary bike at the gym. Ya. Swell.

Really Big Church

Yesterday I had lunch with Greg Neuman. He pastors "big church" in Barrie.

I like spending time with him because he's a visionary thinker. He thinks outside the church. And his thoughts turn into actions.

I wouldn't want to misquote Greg so I'll do it as best as I can - "God is big, so go big or go home." That applies to everything he does, all the time.

Yesterday he told me about this downtown ministry he and his big church team did in the summer. It was a one hour presentation for street people who probably wouldn't go near a church. There was rockin' worship music and a salvation message which resulted in 35 salvations. Wow! Greg hopes to make it a permanent weekly event and situate it in the heart of the nightclub district because "those are our people."

He told me about another project he's involved with in Rwanda where his team wants to minister, farm and provide solar panels.

He told me about the ongoing prayer that happens once a month inside city hall council chambers where anyone is invited to join for prayer.

Greg rallies his people together and plants the vision. He empowers them to carry it out. And most of all - he cares.

Greg, you inspire me.

Snot

Ah Chooo!

That's been my week. Most of it. Kleenex, dristan and snot everywhere. Not a pretty sight. I guess that's the funny part.

Jen's fiance has been laid up with leg injuries and their wedding is only weeks away.

Steve Jones' mother-in-law passed away.

My mom is in hospital after a fall that broke her pelvis, hip, thumb, and she has Alzheimer.

It's given me time to reflect on a bunch of things, like priorities. Memories. Precious moments of time that I cannot get back.

Additionally, I've been in and out of my psychiatrist and psychologist offices for treatment of moderate depression. I would like to think I'm handing it better recently, but when it gets bad, it's really dark. Some days I can fake it on the air and push it through for the short 15-seconds that the show must go on. Other dark days, I just can't get to work.

Today I spoke at Glenwood Chapel in Port Carling - a super-supporting church for LIFE. They bless us ridiculously! WE love you guys! I think I spoke through the message with enthusiasm, but after that, I found myself sitting in the secretary's office, alone, in silence, waiting for things to disperse.

In the last two months there have been such a busy agenda of LIFE speaking engagements that I have not been to my home church once on a Sunday morning. Thankfully Pastor Wayne has made time for me on other days where I've asked him to pour into me, which he is very good at.

So here I am. Blogging. Thinking about what lies ahead. Emptying a box of Kleenex and thinking about tomorrow's show.

The Picture In The Masthead

You asked ... so I’ll tell you.