I try not to blog about this but it’s weighing on me, so by sharing, it clears my head (a bit) and maybe you might have a comment.
Depression. This is a mental disease. Huh? I have a mental disease? As a creative person, and someone who likes to conceptualize projects (like LIFE 100.3), having a mental disease makes me feel like the best years are behind me.
I’m tired of taking drugs with side effects. The side effects are sometimes worse than the depression. I told my psychiatrist, my psychologist and my GP that I just want to be healed.
All three told me – “You will never be healed. You may go into remission but depression comes back to 80% of the people.”
Swell.
When I’m having a good day, I can’t even remember the horrible feeling of depression. I actually believe I’m healed because I feel so good – positive, strong, alive and happy.
When I’m having an average day, I don’t really care much about anything – biking, food, love, anything. But I push thru.
When I’m having a depression day (once every three weeks), I honestly feel that I will never be happy again.
Again - YOU WILL NEVER BE HEALED.
I know all of this is common for depressed people. I'm not unique.
Even after finishing a blessed 13-week sabbatical, I feel like I’ve lost my summer. I didn’t feel like being active all summer. I wasted time. Fewer bike rides, fewer visits to see friends, fewer concerts.
I kinda rate my days. Today is an average day (so far), but I’m motivated enough to blog my feelings.
I know God can do anything. With the snap of his finger I could be healed. But I'm not. And those words YOU WILL NEVER BE HEALED make me feel defeated.
Ya.
I guess you can assume that your psychiatrist, psychologist and GP are true experts; in that, they also have depression.
ReplyDeleteOne thing is certain about your psychiatrist, psychologist and GP - they have no idea that God is omnipotent. When Jesus healed he attributed no power to so-called evil spirits. He recognised they had none. Instead he attributed all power to God. That is what omnipotence means. Because God is all, because you are His image and likeness, you can have no real existence separate from Him. In fact you can't exist without Him because He is your life. Therefore we are always one with Him whether we know it or not. Depression sometimes arises from a fear that we somehow have a mind separate from God, that somehow we can be cut off from Him. How can that really be when He is omnipresent and fills all space? I remember once going through a period of extreme depression which stubbornly refused to lift. Then one day someone said: "Do you honestly think God's infinite love for you would ever really allow him to share you with something called depression? Don't forget right where that depression seems to be, God was there first. And He is not moving. Anyway, how can He when he is everywhere." Those simple truths healed me instantaneously. And I haven't been depressed since.
ReplyDeleteWarmth and love,
Melvyn
I have to disagree with Melvin who is perhaps talking about The Blues, or a little sadness. It's not the same as chronic depression.
ReplyDeleteI do not have depression but it runs in my family and I know how hard it is on people.
Telling people to just remember that God is with you and is always there as a way to get better from depression is not helpful. Most Christian people with depression KNOW that God is with them, KNOW that he loves them. I can imagine it makes things worse to know all this and still not feel better.
Even having lived with someone with depression, I don't understand it; I'm mad at it. I often also feel like saying "Just get over it! Just use your brain and see that life isn't that bad!" But guess what, that doesn't work.
If chronic depression is a problem with chemicals in the brain, God could heal it, but it's not just a case of "Perk up, God's with you!".
I don't believe it can never be healed, but maybe it is your thorn in your side. God only knows.
I've never been diagnosed with depression but I have had friends who where. I have days when I can see it coming like a heavy dark cloud. Everything goes wrong, I get really down on myself and I can understand why some people see taking their life as a reasonable solution to the problem. Even when things are going well and I have no reason to be discouraged it will come by like it is making rounds. Christians are very uncomfortable with depression. Some may see it as a weakness, the presence of sin in ones life or a lack of faith. Hard to admit to it with that kind of pressure. Honestly I don't think I have ever met anyone with out all three at some point. I wonder if Jonah suffered with it.
ReplyDeleteScott
ReplyDeleteYou know me. You know I had severe depression. For over 25 years of my life I'd go to sleep at night and hope I never woke up. At it's most severe point I tried to take my life "cause I couldn't take it any more. God healed me. IT IS POSSIBLE!!!
Charles W.