Depression has plagued me now for about five years. I still see a psychiatrist once a month, who monitors my behaviour and keeps me on meds.Thankfully, I haven’t had a "crash" for probably a year, but I still get gloomy moments to deal with. I define "gloomy" as being depressed without the hard crash that leads me to be hiding under the covers, feeling selfish, angry and lonely. Those moments are rare, mostly because I've learned to control them. Now those gloomy moments only happen about once a week, maybe a bit less and I’ll share about that.
Today, here I am, in the middle of the LIFE 100.3 annual radio Sharathon, which is an important fundraising event that requires me to be ready to go on the air and lead the team, which is impossible when a depression moment happens. It happened.
I was in the lunch room and a couple of situations came up, and it was more than I could handle. I went to my office to get away from it, and sulk if necessary. The emotional stuff took over, the wave of being overwhelmed came in and I stood there, stiff, almost unable to move, feeling confused and stuck. One of my employees prayed for me, and suggested I take a walk around the building for fresh air. That worked!It's odd, but when a gloomy moment is about to happen, I seem to get a 10-second warning. It's almost like an approaching storm cloud and I can either run for shelter or get rained on. If I’m fast, I'll recognize the depression cloud coming and I respond immediately, such as leaving the room, or getting away from the people who are pulling me down. I know I have ten seconds to leave and if I don’t, the storm of depression hits and I have to deal with it. I'm happy to say, I’m quite successful with this response.
Something you should never say to someone with depression is, "can’t you just push through it?" Never say that. They might kill you. (joking) However, in my case, if I say that to myself, I can actually do it.
Three times in the last week, a wave of gloom hit me at the office. Years ago, I would have grabbed my coat and gone home to bed to sleep it off. Now, I tell myself, "if I can push thru this, I’ll be ok, and save myself a lot of wasted time sulking at home." It’s really hard. But every time I decide to push through, it works. And, each time I feel like that, I remember, "it worked the last time. Be strong. Push through." Different things work for different people. For me, it’s the daily meds. It’s the therapy with the psychiatrist and it’s being strong and taking control. I’ve learned how to deal with it.
Now the great news! Because of depression, I have become more sensitive to other people with a mental illness. I understand their struggle. When people make irrational or hurtful comments, I know they are possibly dealing with some form of mental illness and the meds are not working, or they're just having a bad moment. I know I can’t fix them, but I know what to do to help them.
Depression sucks. But there is a way of getting control. If you’ve got depression, find your strength and take control. You can do it. I’m doing it.
