If My Facebook Friends Were Really My Friends.

Accept friend request? Of course. I know this guy. Good guy. Ok.
Another friend request. Who is this guy? Ok, well, ok. Accept.
And another friend request. Now I don’t know this guy. Hmmm. Ok. Accept.

All of a sudden I have a few hundred friends.

Friends? Uh, how about “acquaintances?” These people are not my friends. (Sorry - that sounded mean.)

Ok, let’s define “what is a friend”? A friend is someone who comes to your house, drinks your Coke and watches a movie with me. That’s a friend. That’s the official definition. Got it?

So these “friends” I have on Facebook - they’re more like “acquaintances”.

Wait a minute. What’s an acquaintance? An acquaintance is someone whom I’ve talked to face to face or electronically. I had some level of interaction.

So some of these “acquaintances” are actually strangers. I don’t even know who they are! And you never take candy from a stranger. So, why am I accepting a stranger as a friend? Am I starved for fake friends? Or am I competing with Little Billy Chase to have as many friends as him? (He’s always 200 more than me.) Yes, I am desperately trying to beat him.

Hold on! What's with all these people who have 2,000 friends? That's not normal. You can't have 2,000 watching movies on your couch!

Does Ashton Kutcher really know all of his “friends”? (Maybe the women.)

Maybe some people have really boring lives and through the magic of Facebook I’ve convinced them that my life is actually fascinating and they want to know all about my escapades, the rock stars I meet, the extremely exciting places I travel to and take photos of. That’s it. I’m an entertainer.

Reality check. How many real friends do I really have? Man, if I answered that, Facebook would go bankrupt.

Friend request. Fine. Ok, accept. I’ll take all the friends I can get.